If that was your dad, he is hot
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she peed on how many people?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize