just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
