Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
