We named our party play list daddy issues
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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