All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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