My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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