IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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