I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize