she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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