There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
