Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
