I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
