well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
