quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
