do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
