Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
True strength comes from lack of pants
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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