Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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