The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
