No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
