why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
