Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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