how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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