My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm at about main and main street
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I supernannyed him into submission
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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