made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
