Ambien. No doubt about it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
