dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
