he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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