i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
