mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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