for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
