just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think people are normalizing furries
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