so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
