i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
