Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize