i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
