so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
