She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
