I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
