Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
