Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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