She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
