Will you blow on my dice?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
