He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
