capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
