new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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