omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
