So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize