I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize