My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize