Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
