That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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