Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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