I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
