I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
