ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
