yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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