my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
