Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize