I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
