if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im drinking this country out of the recession.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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