I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
