come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
