I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
