dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
