found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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