is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
